First day of classes in Chiang Mai.

First day of classes in Chiang Mai:

We had a large packet of reading due for the first seminar in Thailand from Culture Shock: Thailand.
The seminar was started off by a reading which spoke to getting lost in a culture and followed by a 15 min stream of consciousness free-write. The free write was helpful, I have been feeling a bit crazed recently. I've been wondering how I should interact with people and noticing what my habits are. My questions are "Big" so I am lost in the cyclone of voices, of others and myself that dance in my head trying to find "the answer". I accept the concept that there is no answer to this question. But I feel that: yeah okay, there is no one answer but what that means, is that there are many answers and among these answers many subdivisions and branches off of the subdivisions and each of these branches and subdivisions is a street with many 30 floored hotels and every hotel room is another answer. Suddenly I see that each item in a city could be an answer and when you make that leap you might as well take it to the global and the universal level. It is overwhelming. I don't what to change my interactions with people based on their different culture, sex, occupation, age, social standing, language but I do and I also don't start conversation based on all of these things. There are too many possibilities of who I will meet so I base my interactions on what I have read, people I have met before and different messages that have come through "the grapevine" from previous travelers. I would prefer to meet each person without this, but perhaps with my visual vexation I can not help but make assumptions that drive my interactions. I try not to lay myself over what I am being told about another person's life experience but I can't separate myself yet. Maybe motivated by greed: I can make the most of this conversation for my studies, I can learn a lot about where I can travel, they can teach me: ...., I can understand, I, I, I, I, I. Information and interactions are not separate they are what propel me, make me further "enlighten". We were taught at Dharma Drum Mountain that the goal is to prefect ourselves so that we can help others. I want to help others but I can't even answer my own questions. I know that the goal and the starting point are in every moment, and an interaction is not just about me, it can benefit others but I am too insecure with myself to see this during an interaction; which makes me operate for myself (I think).

I don't know... I should accept that. Life is suffering and impermanence so I must accept non-ego. That is what a Monk told me this evening. We had a 2 hour open chat with the monks at a local wat, I also met a monk that wanted to be "gangster" and "punk-rock" but couldn't as a monk. He wanted to meet my brother because they "have the same spirit" and would become friends in 5 minutes. I told him that my brother would love a letter from him and I will bring him the address next week when the wat has the same free talk time. I will write more about the gangster later if I do meet up with him again. He spoke as if he had his own following and way to approach the world and Karma.