The ants go marching 1 by 1
Hurrah!
Hurrah!
The ants go marching 2 by 2
Hurrah!
Hurrah!
I bite the pancake I just made,
and I find the body of an ant mid-run!
and I find them on my computer,
my bed,
the counter,
my shoes,
the floor,
empty cups.
and when I spill flour they swarm the spot!
There are a lot of ants in Thailand! I can't leave a banana peel out for 30 seconds before it is covered by 100 plus little bodies. The worst part I would say is that they swarm spilled flour, I like to make pancakes a lot and try as I might not to be wasteful, I always spill some. This would be fine if I didn't share a kitchen, I'd let them eat for a while and hope that they left then clean up. But, I share the kitchen with the family who runs the guest house we stay at and I feel that out of respect I must clean up immediately after I finish cooking, this means cleaning up the feast midway. Unfortunately there is no way to scare ants off of food. So, I must use the sponge to wipe up the counters and I always end up having to kill some of the ants. I feel bad, I don't even like to kill mosquitoes. I let them bite me because, hey, they need to live too. I don't know that we should be more concerned with the death of humans than the death of animals, just I like I don't think there should be more media coverage of the deaths of Americans than the Iraqis or the Afghanis that we are bombing. The Museum of World Insects was all about this, it was created by a man who loves and has studied mosquitoes for 50 years. His exhibition is all about respect for all living creatures, I was really moved by it two weeks ago and now, we have two students, one recovering from and one currently being tested for Dengue Fever. Is it insensitive to them if I still advocate not killing mosquitoes?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Liberation from the Khao San Dreads
At 1:30 this evening I heard a knock upon my door. I made it to the door after de-toping my lap, wondering who it could possibly be and internally apologizing to my roommate who was sleeping. It was Brittany, my former room mate who excitedly came to my room last evening at a similar time when I had been trying to sleep. She was excited again. I'm trying to begin sleeping on a natural sleep schedule so her aperance made me a little frustrated I wanted to tell her that I didn't want her comeing in and joking with me again, I tell her Lizzie is sleeping.
She asks if I can help her with something, "what's up?", with that question her arm rose up and in her hand was the item that told me what was up. A dismembered dreadlock and sissors. I asked her if she was ready for this, my frustration instantly vanishing, when the answer was yes I told her I had to finish my post and that I was ready to help her. I posted, Hybernateded the laptop, grabbed my safty sissors, brushed my teeth, moved my school work from my bed, turned off the lamp and headed for the door. Lizzie said to me "Amy it is 1:30". I knew, but I also knew I had a duty. It was important for me to have Julia with me when I cut off my hair, I knew this was important for Brittany and she needed support. I needed a way to pass on the kindness I was given.
We did it. It was beautiful. We got the before , during and after pictures. There were pep talks and concerns shared. There was laugher and in the end there was a beautiful, sexy, funky young woman with a new banging hair cut! not even a quarter inch in some places - and needing of trimming and restyling in the morning.
Everything was remininscent of when I cut my hair off last year. The laughter, the liberation, the sissors, the location (bathroom), the worries, the sharing of experiences. I really enjoyed it and was glad to be with my friend, glad I hadn't turned the light out earlier, glad I hadn't turned her away before she had a chance to speak and glad - again - for the wonderful (Amazing!) women I have met in Friends Global World.
When I returned to the room I showered. Looking in the mirror when my hair was wetted and no longer covering or framing my face I felt that I was very beautiful. I haven't been feeling beautiful receintly. I've been feeling haggard and homely so it was moving for me, to rediscover my beauty after helping a friend redefine hers.
She asks if I can help her with something, "what's up?", with that question her arm rose up and in her hand was the item that told me what was up. A dismembered dreadlock and sissors. I asked her if she was ready for this, my frustration instantly vanishing, when the answer was yes I told her I had to finish my post and that I was ready to help her. I posted, Hybernateded the laptop, grabbed my safty sissors, brushed my teeth, moved my school work from my bed, turned off the lamp and headed for the door. Lizzie said to me "Amy it is 1:30". I knew, but I also knew I had a duty. It was important for me to have Julia with me when I cut off my hair, I knew this was important for Brittany and she needed support. I needed a way to pass on the kindness I was given.
We did it. It was beautiful. We got the before , during and after pictures. There were pep talks and concerns shared. There was laugher and in the end there was a beautiful, sexy, funky young woman with a new banging hair cut! not even a quarter inch in some places - and needing of trimming and restyling in the morning.
Everything was remininscent of when I cut my hair off last year. The laughter, the liberation, the sissors, the location (bathroom), the worries, the sharing of experiences. I really enjoyed it and was glad to be with my friend, glad I hadn't turned the light out earlier, glad I hadn't turned her away before she had a chance to speak and glad - again - for the wonderful (Amazing!) women I have met in Friends Global World.
When I returned to the room I showered. Looking in the mirror when my hair was wetted and no longer covering or framing my face I felt that I was very beautiful. I haven't been feeling beautiful receintly. I've been feeling haggard and homely so it was moving for me, to rediscover my beauty after helping a friend redefine hers.
First day of classes in Chiang Mai.
First day of classes in Chiang Mai:
We had a large packet of reading due for the first seminar in Thailand from Culture Shock: Thailand.
The seminar was started off by a reading which spoke to getting lost in a culture and followed by a 15 min stream of consciousness free-write. The free write was helpful, I have been feeling a bit crazed recently. I've been wondering how I should interact with people and noticing what my habits are. My questions are "Big" so I am lost in the cyclone of voices, of others and myself that dance in my head trying to find "the answer". I accept the concept that there is no answer to this question. But I feel that: yeah okay, there is no one answer but what that means, is that there are many answers and among these answers many subdivisions and branches off of the subdivisions and each of these branches and subdivisions is a street with many 30 floored hotels and every hotel room is another answer. Suddenly I see that each item in a city could be an answer and when you make that leap you might as well take it to the global and the universal level. It is overwhelming. I don't what to change my interactions with people based on their different culture, sex, occupation, age, social standing, language but I do and I also don't start conversation based on all of these things. There are too many possibilities of who I will meet so I base my interactions on what I have read, people I have met before and different messages that have come through "the grapevine" from previous travelers. I would prefer to meet each person without this, but perhaps with my visual vexation I can not help but make assumptions that drive my interactions. I try not to lay myself over what I am being told about another person's life experience but I can't separate myself yet. Maybe motivated by greed: I can make the most of this conversation for my studies, I can learn a lot about where I can travel, they can teach me: ...., I can understand, I, I, I, I, I. Information and interactions are not separate they are what propel me, make me further "enlighten". We were taught at Dharma Drum Mountain that the goal is to prefect ourselves so that we can help others. I want to help others but I can't even answer my own questions. I know that the goal and the starting point are in every moment, and an interaction is not just about me, it can benefit others but I am too insecure with myself to see this during an interaction; which makes me operate for myself (I think).
I don't know... I should accept that. Life is suffering and impermanence so I must accept non-ego. That is what a Monk told me this evening. We had a 2 hour open chat with the monks at a local wat, I also met a monk that wanted to be "gangster" and "punk-rock" but couldn't as a monk. He wanted to meet my brother because they "have the same spirit" and would become friends in 5 minutes. I told him that my brother would love a letter from him and I will bring him the address next week when the wat has the same free talk time. I will write more about the gangster later if I do meet up with him again. He spoke as if he had his own following and way to approach the world and Karma.
We had a large packet of reading due for the first seminar in Thailand from Culture Shock: Thailand.
The seminar was started off by a reading which spoke to getting lost in a culture and followed by a 15 min stream of consciousness free-write. The free write was helpful, I have been feeling a bit crazed recently. I've been wondering how I should interact with people and noticing what my habits are. My questions are "Big" so I am lost in the cyclone of voices, of others and myself that dance in my head trying to find "the answer". I accept the concept that there is no answer to this question. But I feel that: yeah okay, there is no one answer but what that means, is that there are many answers and among these answers many subdivisions and branches off of the subdivisions and each of these branches and subdivisions is a street with many 30 floored hotels and every hotel room is another answer. Suddenly I see that each item in a city could be an answer and when you make that leap you might as well take it to the global and the universal level. It is overwhelming. I don't what to change my interactions with people based on their different culture, sex, occupation, age, social standing, language but I do and I also don't start conversation based on all of these things. There are too many possibilities of who I will meet so I base my interactions on what I have read, people I have met before and different messages that have come through "the grapevine" from previous travelers. I would prefer to meet each person without this, but perhaps with my visual vexation I can not help but make assumptions that drive my interactions. I try not to lay myself over what I am being told about another person's life experience but I can't separate myself yet. Maybe motivated by greed: I can make the most of this conversation for my studies, I can learn a lot about where I can travel, they can teach me: ...., I can understand, I, I, I, I, I. Information and interactions are not separate they are what propel me, make me further "enlighten". We were taught at Dharma Drum Mountain that the goal is to prefect ourselves so that we can help others. I want to help others but I can't even answer my own questions. I know that the goal and the starting point are in every moment, and an interaction is not just about me, it can benefit others but I am too insecure with myself to see this during an interaction; which makes me operate for myself (I think).
I don't know... I should accept that. Life is suffering and impermanence so I must accept non-ego. That is what a Monk told me this evening. We had a 2 hour open chat with the monks at a local wat, I also met a monk that wanted to be "gangster" and "punk-rock" but couldn't as a monk. He wanted to meet my brother because they "have the same spirit" and would become friends in 5 minutes. I told him that my brother would love a letter from him and I will bring him the address next week when the wat has the same free talk time. I will write more about the gangster later if I do meet up with him again. He spoke as if he had his own following and way to approach the world and Karma.
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